Triumph through pain

I  have suffered with migraines my whole life, but in the last two weeks I've had more occurrences than I've had in a long time. When my regular prescription pain medication didn't work, I had to go to the doctor to get a shot of pain medication. At the doctor's office I was asked what my pain felt like on a scale of 1-10. Can someone really put a number on their pain? And even if I did say it was a "10," how could they understand what "10" means to me? In reality, the only One that can understand my pain is the One who allowed it in the first place.

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

So this morning, when I awoke at 4:30 am with more pain, I decided to heed the advice I've given to others. I went to the Giver of pain and asked Him what he was trying to show me.

For months I've been re-reading a book called They Found the Secret, a book that looks into the lives of 20 people who all came to the the point I have been coming to - a point of deep dissatisfaction. Having no power. Seeing no fruit. Feeling no joy. And pain. Lots of pain. Not just physical, but emotional, mental and relational pain too. Like so many people in the book, I believe I am, and have been, a child of God. I am, and have been, justified through the blood of Christ. But I also could not deny that I lacked the power for service. I began seeking after this power. I have prayed and prayed. Andrew Murray wrote:

"I want to say the same to you, who are plunging about and struggling in the quagmire of helplessness and doubt. The desire that God puts into your heart He will fulfill..." 

In The Secret of Adoration, Murray also wrote:

"Take time. Give God time to reveal Himself to you. Give yourself time to be silent and quiet before Him, waiting to receive, through the Spirit, the assurance of His presence with you, His power working in you."

I would like to share what happened to me this morning as I was praying. God brought to my mind a poster I had purchased when I was in Junior High School. This was several years before I became a follower of Christ. It was a cute Besty Clark poster that had the scripture from Proverbs 3:5-6 on it.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.…"

Then I had the overwhelming realization that God has been with me all of my life...even BEFORE I was aware of Him! Tears flowed, and as I've stated before, this kindness, mercy and love led me to repentance for all my doubt and fear. For all the hate and bitterness I've held on to. This is TRIUMPH THROUGH PAIN, VICTORY THROUGH DEFEAT. The power and grace of God in my life. Hallelujah! What a Savior!